NewsLine 2000: Tips, Tricks and Information | ||
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NEW TOP LEVEL DOMAINS |
We are now taking pre-registrations for:-
.biz
.info
.eu
.name
We can't guarantee you'll get your name, but it will certainly increase your chances. If you are interested, please call or email for details.
See http://www.c2000.com/products for more information
ASSOCIATION WITH FREETECHMAIL |
We are very pleased to announce this week our association with www.FreeTechMail.org which provides a range of high quality IT newsletters. They have a great selection of newsletters ranging from Administration, Developers to User news.
This means you can now subscribe directly through C2000.com or through FreeTechMail.
If you are looking for other great IT related e-mail newsletters then you should check them out.
See http://www.FreeTechMail.org/ for more information
SEASONS GREETING |
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all.
This weeks newsletter is a little different than usual. I've picked a few hot buttons that caught my eye this year and I waffle on about them.
We've also got our annual collection of hot-line support calls that'll make you laugh or weep - depending which of the phone call you are on. Some are from our own support line, some collected from other sources.
Normal service of tips, tricks, techniques and news will be restored next year.
See http://www.c2000.com/products for more information
WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE |
The RIP bill (Rights to Investigate your Private Life - or something similar) arrived, got churned round a bit in Parliament but basically hasn't gone away.
There's two "Wake Up" calls here, firstly for you - the public individual or enterprise. Why would you want to grant your government the right to look at your correspondence at any time without your knowledge? Personally I think this really is a step too far in government rights. I believe we all need to be more pro-active about protecting our personal and corporate rights and the RIP bill is an example of that.
But there is also the second "Wake Up" call and this is to Governments around the world. Just what good do you think this will do? And, just how do you think you can control the Internet?
In terms of RIP, do you really think that the criminal fraternity will now no longer encrypt messages, hide encoded data in foreign countries and all that stuff? Let's face it, if I'm running a multi-billion pound drug running ring do you think I'm going to worry about being charged for failure to produce an encryption key?
But then further, the problem's we've had over the past year trying to get definitive answers to VAT (Sales Tax) when selling world-wide over the net. Governments are only slowly cottoning on to the fact that they are suddenly very small and parochial in this world wide economy.
For example, just look at the number of seriously pornographic web sites, or gambling sites for that matter, which are turning up in odd islands in the caribean.
For another, look at the French trying to get Yahoo to block the sale of Nazi memorabilia and access to Nazi information. On a world-wide scale you just can't do this. We all need to accept that the world is made up of many different and distinct folk, and no matter whether we like or loathe what they do, we can't stop them doing it.
This kind of thinking is also prevalent in a lot of companies too. What possible value does a reseller have when I can purchase goods direct from the manufacturer? In the computing industry you would be amazed at how many resellers are seriously bleating about the reduction in the margins from OEM's without realising that their whole function in life is disappearing. At least in the IT industry they ought to know better.
However, there are more and more manufacturers at all levels realising what this change is bringing and for us as consumers I think this is largely a good thing. We all have experience of shops which have failed to add any value to the purchase you made but have increased the price by 30-50%.
Finally, if there was one group that really did "smell the coffee" this year it was the investors in dot-coms. I've said for the past 3 years that I've never understood why dot-coms were being valued so ludicrously high. This year the investment community realised too.
So my two big mistakes? One, I wish I had not worried about understanding it and just bought shares anyway! Two, I wish I had not taken out some serious trust investments about 2 weeks before the bubble burst!
See http://www.c2000.com/papers for more information
BORLAND / INPRISE / BORLAND |
So, you own a major brand name in the IT industry, what single thing could you do to guarantee you will lose market share? Yep, change your name to something entirely irrelevant.
Borland decided to become Inprise. Don't ask me why, I hope somebody had a really good reason because that change must have cost them a fortune in additional marketing spend and lost revenues.
Anyway, Inprise announced this month that they were returning to the Borland name.
Duh.
See http://www.c2000.com/papers for more information
WINDOWS 2000 |
Still, although we might want more innovation in the market place I for one am not sorry the Windows 2000 is in the IBM mold of a stable, reliable and consistent product.
We've been running W2K since it's early beta. In nearly 18 months of office running we've barely had a crash or bug hit us. I think in 18 months we've had 3 unexpected desktop shutdowns and no unexpected server crashes.
For that reason alone I have no hesitation in saying to any organisation (and most individuals) dump your NT and get W2K NOW!
Another big hot-spot in W2K is Terminal Services, basically a thin-client solution which lets you run applications on a server from your desktop PC. This is good technology that basically works and is brilliantly cost-effective. If you are considering either software or hardware upgrades at all you should be looking at whether Terminal Services will provide a better solution.
For example, we've recently installed a thin-client Terminal Services solution which brings W2K and Office 2000 to a site using Pentium 100, 16MB Ram desktops. It works.
The only real issue with W2K is hardware support, while I'll give Microsoft their due, they have done well adding support for thousands of peripherals - printers especially - some of the peripheral vendors themselves have not been so useful. In real life we've found quite a slew of kit including printers, scanners and internal specialist cards not supported under W2K.
But then peripherals (especially printers and modems) have always been a source of major grief.
See http://www.c2000.com/papers for more information
CORPORATE MICROSOFT |
Starting off with the hot news that Microsoft has pre-announced a drop in sales and earning for this quarter and the year overall. Shares dropped around 10% following the announcement.
Microsoft expect sales in the 2nd quarter to be a mere $6.5 billion and sales over the full fiscal year to be a paltry $25.4 billion. Well, I mean they are obviously in real trouble now!!
HIDDEN AGENDAS
Interestingly this does tie into the "Hidden Agendas" theory. The idea is if you look at companies (or even industries) actions you may find they are driven by internal agendas. The commonly cited example is that of the oil industry a while back which basically went to hell in a hand basket because all the top exec's were worried about their pensions, not about the business.
The Hidden Agenda in Microsoft is the employee's stock and option plans. While Microsoft continued to increase in share value stock and options were very worthwhile. No matter what staff thought typically the paper value of continuing to work at Microsoft was so huge that they were basically handcuffed.
With a static or even reducing share value then employees start to think about cashing in - becoming real cash millionaires, rather than paper rich. I think we are already seeing that - there have been high profile departures, but also a lot of lower level leavers, cutting their losses and moving on to form their own startups or just retire.
Quite what effect this will have on Microsoft over the long run is hard to predict, it has a mass and momentum all of its own now. But you can see the whole organisation "going IBM" - that is working towards stable, quality-controlled, financially safe activities with little by the way of real innovation.
LEGAL FIGHTS
Of course, we've also had the long running monopoly trial. And what a surprise, so far there has been no change at Microsoft at all. In fact just this week it was announced that further announcements from the court would be put back until late January.
So, we have a monopolistic organisation, that has acted illegally to put firms out of business, stifle competition, used illegal contracts with OEM's and more (that's the judges opinion) and what's the result? Nothing.
Of course we've also had the
See http://www.c2000.com/papers for more information
FREE WEB SITES AND GALLERIES |
One of the web sites we run is called www.JustKiss.com which focusses on graphics work, digital imaging and manipulation and working with tools like PaintShop Pro and Adobe Photoshop.
If you are interested in graphics work, got a digital camera for Christas or have digital images you've created and want to get reviewed why not drop over there and have a look see.
See http://www.JustKiss.com/ for more information
SEEN ON THE INTERNET |
Topic: Re: Just a xmas tree thought...
From: W***** P****
Newsgroups: alt.tv.friends
Yuyu8286 wrote:
>Since many people will be buying xmas trees around
>now...just wanted to say (or better yet, to quote)...
>
>"I'm against innocent trees being cut down in their prime,
>and their corpses grotesquely dressed in tinsel and twinkly
>lights. How do you sleep at night?" =)
On the plucked out feathers of a dead goose
See http://www.c2000.com/fun for more information
REAL SUPPORT CALLS |
After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, incognizant user called the system maker's technical support line for assistance…
Technician: Hello. How can I help you today?
Customer: There's smoke coming from the power supply on my computer…
Technician: Looks like you need a new power supply…
Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files…
Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. You need to replace it…
Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just had to change the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the right command…
For the next ten minutes, in spite of the technician's efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, the technician responded…
Technician: I'm sorry. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there's an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem…
Customer: I knew it!
Technician: Just add the line "LOAD NOSMOKE.COM" at the end of the CONFIG.SYS file and everything should work fine. Let me know how it goes…
About ten minutes later, the technician received a call back from the customer…
Customer: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking…
Technician: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
Customer: MS-DOS 6.22…
Technician: Well, that's your problem. That version of DOS doesn't include NOSMOKE. You'll need to contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch. Let me know how it all works out...
When nearly an hour had passed, the phone rang again...
Customer: I need a new power supply…
Technician: How did you come to that conclusion?
Customer: Well, I called Microsoft and told the technician what you said, and he started asking me questions about the make of the power supply…
Technician: What did he tell you?
Customer: He said my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE...
See http://www.c2000.com/fun for more information
SOLAR ECLIPSE ON CHRISTMAS DAY |
North Americans could be in for a treat this year as they get a partial solar eclipse on Christmas Day.
The winter landscape across parts of North America will assume an eerie cast, and cooler-than-usual winds might swirl, as the New Moon glides across the face of the Yuletide Sun.
Check out the NASA site for more information and quite a nifty animation that shows the eclipse shadow.
http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2000/ast15dec_1.htm?list122572
See http://www.c2000.com/fun for more information
REAL SUPPORT CALLS |
An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong:
Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer."
Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide.
Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?"
Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized."
Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?"
Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'"
Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?"
Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive and the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"
See http://www.c2000.com/fun for more information
REAL SUPPORT CALLS |
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."
The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
See http://www.c2000.com/fun for more information
REAL SUPPORT CALLS |
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
See http://www.c2000.com/fun for more information
REAL SUPPORT CALLS |
Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
See http://www.c2000.com/fun for more information
REAL SUPPORT CALLS |
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document
back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed
to keep it.
See http://www.c2000.com/fun for more information
REAL SUPPORT CALLS |
Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy the Internet onto this disk for me?"
Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
See http://www.c2000.com/fun for more information
REAL SUPPORT CALLS |
My friend was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she
replied "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!"
See http://www.c2000.com/fun for more information
REAL SUPPORT CALLS |
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash - it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [Pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
See http://www.c2000.com/fun for more information
REAL SUPPORT CALLS |
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a
problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colours would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colours are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every colour of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change
ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers.
Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help; they offered no new ideas.
After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?"
See http://www.c2000.com/fun for more information
REAL SUPPORT CALLS |
A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech support number, complaining about the error message: "Can't find the printer." On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.
See http://www.c2000.com/fun for more information
REAL SUPPORT CALLS |
A user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in the opposite direction from the movement of the mouse. She also complained that the buttons were difficult to depress. She was very embarrassed when we asked her to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed away from her.
See http://www.c2000.com/fun for more information
REAL SUPPORT CALLS |
This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his username and password in capital letters.
Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."
See http://www.c2000.com/fun for more information
REAL SUPPORT CALLS |
Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows - because of the icons - I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to-"
Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a filing cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?"
Customer: [Click]
See http://www.c2000.com/fun for more information
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Centreline 2000 - Uniplex, Unix, Windows and Internet FREEPOST, PO BOX 2000, Pershore, Worcs, WR10 1BR Tel: (UK) 08000 772000 - Fax: (UK) 08000 772001 |
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URL: www.c2000.com/papers/nw_000317.htm © 1995-2000 Centreline 2000 Last Updated: 06/08/2001 |
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